Tired of Carrying the Conversation? Why Your Dating App Matches Are Draining You

You’ve done it. You’ve swiped, you’ve matched, and you’ve sent a thoughtful opener based on their profile. Then, the reply comes in: “Hey.” Or maybe, “Good, you?” Suddenly, you feel it—that familiar, sinking feeling of a conversation that’s already on life support. You’re the one asking all the questions, pushing the conversation forward, and doing all the emotional labor. It’s exhausting, and it’s a phenomenon we call the Conversation Energy Gap.

If you’re feeling drained, you’re not alone. A staggering 78% of dating app users report feeling some degree of emotional fatigue or burnout [1]. While many factors contribute to this, the Conversation Energy Gap is a primary culprit. It’s the imbalance that occurs when one person invests significantly more effort into a chat than the other, turning what should be a fun, reciprocal exchange into a one-sided interview. This guide will help you understand why this happens, how to spot it, and what you can do to find more energizing connections.

What is the Conversation Energy Gap, and Why Does It Happen?

The Conversation Energy Gap is the disparity in effort between two people in a conversation. It’s the reason you feel like you’re “carrying” the chat. This imbalance often stems from a few key issues prevalent in modern online dating.

First, the sheer volume of choices on dating apps can lead to low investment. When a person has dozens of matches in their queue, they may not feel motivated to put significant effort into any single conversation. They can afford to be passive, waiting for someone to truly dazzle them. Second, many people simply lack the skills to engage in compelling digital conversations. They may not know how to ask open-ended questions or build on conversational threads, leading them to rely on low-effort replies.

Finally, a mismatch in intent can create this gap. If one person is looking for a genuine connection while the other is just casually browsing or seeking validation, their levels of investment will naturally be misaligned. This leaves the more invested person feeling drained and undervalued.

Three Signs You’re Stuck in a Conversation Energy Gap

Recognizing the signs of an energy-draining conversation early can save you a lot of time and frustration. Here are three red flags to watch for:

1. You’re Asking All the Questions

Take a look at your chat history. Is it a series of questions from you, followed by short, declarative answers from them? If the conversation feels more like an interrogation than a dialogue, you’re in an energy gap. A person who is genuinely interested in getting to know you will ask questions in return. Reciprocity is the hallmark of a healthy, engaging conversation.

2. They Give One-Word or Low-Effort Replies

Replies like “lol,” “cool,” or “yeah” are conversation killers. They offer nothing to build on and place the burden of keeping the chat alive squarely on your shoulders. While everyone sends a short reply now and then, a consistent pattern of this behavior is a clear sign of disinterest or a lack of conversational effort.

3. The Conversation Never Goes Deeper

Are you stuck in a perpetual loop of “How was your day?” and “What are you up to this weekend?” If your attempts to steer the conversation toward more meaningful topics are met with avoidance or a return to superficial small talk, it’s a strong indicator of an energy gap. A person who is invested in a potential connection will be willing to move beyond the surface level.

How to Escape the Energy-Draining Cycle and Find Reciprocity

Breaking free from the Conversation Energy Gap isn’t about trying harder; it’s about investing your energy more wisely. Here’s how to shift your approach and cultivate more balanced, engaging conversations.

Start with an Energizing First Message

The best way to avoid a low-energy conversation is to start it with a high-energy opener. Instead of a generic “Hey,” ask a personalized, open-ended question that invites a thoughtful response. Reference a specific detail from their profile—a photo from a recent trip, a shared hobby, or a witty line in their bio. This shows you’ve paid attention and sets a more engaging tone from the very beginning.

Let an AI Wingman Sharpen Your Wit

Let’s be honest—coming up with clever, engaging openers for every single match can be draining in itself. This is where an AI-powered tool can be a game-changer. Instead of staring at a blank text box, you can use a tool like MySira’s Rizz Generator to craft witty, personalized openers and replies. It’s not about being fake; it’s about having a creative partner that helps you sound like you on your most charming day, saving you precious mental energy for the conversations that truly matter.

Know When to Walk Away

Your time and energy are valuable. If you’ve made a genuine effort to spark an engaging conversation and are still being met with low-effort replies, it’s okay to disengage. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you can “win them over” by carrying the conversation harder. A person who is truly interested will meet you halfway. Focus your energy on the matches who show a genuine desire to connect.

By understanding the dynamics of the Conversation Energy Gap and adopting a more strategic approach, you can transform your dating app experience from draining to energizing. Stop carrying the conversation and start connecting with people who are as excited to get to know you as you are to get to know them.